Apart from my normal activities (and, really, I have no normal activities) I received a telephone call from one of our offices regarding an issue with software. I stopped in on my way back from another job to take a look at the issue. One of the people concerned with the problem is a woman who has been battling cancer for several months. I don't know her well, but the first day I met her I knew she did yoga. I knew it simply from the way she bent over and started up her computer. When I asked her about it she was sort of taken aback, but in a good way. Our paths cross rarely and I didn't even notice she was ill until she was well into treatment. As we spoke today, she seemed a bit more animated and resolute than she had been in the past few months. Her hair is like a freshly growing field of flax. The stubbly signs of life are just coming forth and I think it may be mirroring what is going on in her life. As I worked on the software she explained what was wrong with it and what she needed. She then asked me if I wanted a doughnut. I followed her gesturing hand only to see the exact same box I saw yesterday in the office I mentioned in my previous day's post. I saw that box and I hated it in an unreasonable way. I had no right to hate it, but I did. I hated it because I blamed this woman's cancer on it's brightly colored design. I blamed childhood diabetes, obesity, cancer and everything except the bombing of the World Trade Center on that box. I wanted to grab that box and throw it out the window, but I composed myself inside and told myself to just get a freaking grip.
I don't make up stories in my blog. I don't need to fabricate anything. Life is too amazing and strange for anyone to feel the need to lie. These coincidences are all around us each day. We either fail to see them or we fail to understand them. I see a woman who was vital and strong one day; bald, frail and worn-down by sickness the next. No, the doughnuts didn't cause her cancer, but I am wondering what did? I don't know her so I don't know her diet, environment, life or issues. Maybe it was chemicals in her water as a child, maybe it was radiation from the microwave oven? But the one thing I wish she didn't ask was if I wanted a damned doughnut. If anyone else had asked me if I wanted a doughnut I would have smiled and said something about my girlish figure. Today, I didn't.
I hope never to see that box again, but I imagine I will. I will see that box again just like I saw my good friend (who is a diabetic) eating some bullshit food with a colorful wrapper when I came back to the office today. I walked into the room (with my boss sitting right there) and said, "What the hell are you eating? Do I have to watch you every second?" He knew I was right, so he gave me no grief. He knows I say these things because I care for him and want him well. But today, I was angry. I was not angry at the people who were ill, I was angry at a world that allows this to go on. No, I don't want to ban junk food. No, I don't want a "nanny state". But I do want those charged with our protection to protect us. I want them to stop hiding behind monied interests and corporate bottom-lines. I want people to stop worrying about the ramifications of the truth on the economy and start worrying about the ramifications of lies on human beings.
The waters are receding where I live. There are benchmarks all along my drive home that give me a sense of how things are where I live. My friend Charlie raises Black Angus steers on his farm. Near his home is a tributary of our creek that has been rushing quite heartily over the last few days. On my way to work it was high and spry. Tonight on my drive home it was only a step or two above normal. My last few days have been a bit like that. I am hoping to begin the comforting caress of "normal" soon. But for me, "normal" has changed. It no longer includes things like brightly colored doughnut boxes. Lives around me have changed from more pressing things such as cancer and hurricanes. And the lives as near to me as a digital inbox have changed as well, mostly for the better. I'm good with change, but I'm also sick of seeing high waters and doughnut boxes. To whomsoever is trying to tell me something, I get it already.
|I am 85% through the 60 days.|
Weight: 146.7 lbs.
Food: Clementines, bananas, almond butter, raw cacao goji seed chunks, apple, cherries, salad, watermelon
|Few things in life are more lovely.|