August 31st, 2011 - Day 53 of 60

I think most of us have hear the phrase, "I wish I was a fly on the wall."  It is used to describe the ability to be in a room, unnoticed, while the normal activities of the day unfold (especially the sordid activities).  Today I was in an office taking care of a particularly mindless, yet important task.  The entire process took about half an hour.  I was stationed in a location that was in the midst of things, yet after a few minutes it was as if I was blessed with Harry Potter's "Cloak of Invisibility."  The main thing I noticed was everyone's reaction to the box (a large box) of doughnuts on the table next to the entry.  I have to say, without fail, 95% of the people who entered the room had an interaction of some sort with that box.  Now, those who had the interaction were not all employees of that office.  I don't know the particulars of that box of doughnuts, but it appeared that someone brought them in for the consumption of the members of that office.  This particular office always has some kind of food (treats) out for communal consumption.  Most people stopped, opened the box, scrutinized the scrumptious snacks picked one out and them moved on.  A few stopped, looked at the contents, thought about it, and then moved on without partaking.  This may have been due to the ever-dwindling choice of cakey confections.  But the ones that intrigued me the most were the ones who walked by the box, eyed the box but kept moving on to other things.  These people seemed to always come back and always eyed the box.  Eventually, most would stop, open the box, chastise themselves in some way, and take a doughnut.  Many just strolled up, took a doughnut and started eating it with a smile.  But some seemed so distraught with themselves that I felt terrible witnessing the moment unfold.  I mean, if you want a doughnut badly enough, just take the thing and eat it with pleasure.  But these people had stern words for themselves.  "I should do this".  "I am so weak."  "I know this is so bad for me."  On it went.  One particular woman came in quietly, walked right over to the box, opened it for a moment, took her doughnut, held it in her hands in such a way as to obscure it, walked quietly out and never had any expression on her face other than sadness.  It was as if she was scoring some heroin in some back alley and couldn't stand thinking of herself as human.  It broke my heart.

Pretty much everyone I know loves doughnuts.  What is not to love?  The only down-side to doughnuts is they are junk food.  What I saw on the face of those people, in general, was a general disdain for themselves and even a downright disrespect for their "weakness".  These people have no idea what they are up against.  If you think you can just stop eating junk food, you need to think again.  What you are dealing with is evolution, genetics, programming, addiction, science, technology, marketing, peer pressure and popular culture all conspiring against you.  To be able to give up such things is a monumental task.  It really is a very big deal.

The recently released movie "Forks Over Knives"  has a section regarding the nature of diet as it relates to obesity.  Psychologist Doug Lisle, PhD., states,  "It isn't that people become more self-indulgent, it isn't because they are lazier than they ever were, what is happening is that their mechanisms of satiation are being fooled." The narrator goes on to describe how refined and "calorie dense" foods don't trigger our "stretch receptors" and "density receptors" properly which causes us to overeat.  Processed and/or unnatural foods fill us less and fail to trigger the sensors properly.  That makes those sensors tell our brains, "You need to eat more food!"  As Doug Lisle continues, "The problem with weight management in humans is that if you make these foods completely artificial, which we do today, you wind up with a problem that the people have to overeat just to be satisfied."

As I watched the pained expression on these people's face (for the most part, though some were pretty happy) my heart broke.  I wanted to do something, but really, what can I do?  Do these people need one more person in life telling them what to do about their weight issues and how they were weak?  I don't think so.  If those looks on their faces told me anything it was that they already knew this.  What they needed was for someone to tell them that they were wonderful, valuable and fantastic human beings who deserved better.  They needed to know there was a way out of that mess.  Sadly, today was not that day.  Sometimes you need someone to come along and help you out of the ditch in the road and sometimes you need to pull yourself out of the pit.

As my heart grieved, I continued to watch this seemingly endless conga line of despair.  One after the other they would walk up and take the "drug" and walk away.  Why do I think of Jonestown and Kool-Aid?  I guess I'm maudlin.

After I finished my duties and left, all I could think was "The fly on the wall would have been more nutritious."


Progress:

I am 85% through the 60 days.

Weight: 146.5 lbs.

Food: Clementines, Cherries, Bananas, Almond Butter, Mixed Nuts, Raw Cacao Goji Seed Chunks, Salad, Broccoli Slaw

The greens and purple cabbage are buried.

I love how these look in salads.