Sunday, July 31, 2011

July 31st, 2011 - Day 22 of 60

Hot day today.  I got a bit of shopping finished early and gathered a few supplies for the Fall planting in the next few weeks.  Got some yoga in and generally tried to relax.  I feel I've come to a place in my life where I can relax when I want.  My child is married and living down the road.  Most of my family lives nearby.  Most of my wife's family is nearby as well.  That makes for an interesting dynamic.  I've always felt like a light bulb and everyone I know is a bug.  I know that sounds egotistical, but the facts bear me out.  I know I am nothing special.  I'm just a guy.  But I'm a guy who is an introvert and a guy who enjoys many hobbies and interests.  I work hard and I like my solitude.  Today was just like most days.  My in-laws are visiting for a few weeks.  That is always nice.  They are fine people.  But, they are always asking me to help them with things.  As a human being I feel it is my obligation to help others, so I try to do so with joy.  My daughter will pop in whenever with the grandkids.  It is always lovely to see the grandkids.  They are as dear and anything on earth.  My dad always pops in whenever.  He did so today. He's my dad and I love him.   I'm happy to have him around.  My brother-in-law and his wife came by unannounced to use the pool.  They like popping by around dinner time.  Everyone is always welcome here.  My wife is the world's greatest hostess and has a heart as large as the outdoors.  I'm a lucky guy.

Is there a downside to this sappy scenario (which is 100% true, not confabulated for dramatic effect)?  Are there various interpretations of this situation?  One interpretation is that I'm a very lucky person and I should be thankful each day for family that cares to come by.  That is an accurate interpretation.  But, there is also this interpretation: People feel their right to come see me is greater than my right to be given some space.  Harsher interpretation, I know, but still accurate.  I could be an ass and tell people I'm busy, but that isn't how I roll.    If you and I were friends, one thing you could always count on was that I'd call before I came by.  To me, that is only common courtesy.  I don't feel I have the right to barge in to your life.  Life and time are precious.  I am not so important that I should be thanked for inserting myself into each moment of your life unannounced.  Am I out of line here?  You see, just typing these words makes me feel like a bad person.  I am not a bad person.  I am a person who loves life and has a lot to do in it.

When someone rolls into your life unannounced, what they are saying is, "I am here.  Stop whatever it is you are doing and pay attention to me."  Or, they might be saying, "I have nothing going on in my life of any interest, so let me share what you have as it seems much more interesting."   On both counts I feel like a creep for saying it, but what else is there?  Of course they love me and my wife.  Of course they want to visit with us.  It is just that I feel some folks are afraid of being alone in their own skin?  Doesn't anyone spend time learning to do things?  Don't people paint or garden or play music or write or study or do yoga or anything at all but work, eat, Facebook and talk, talk, talk?  I think I am strange.  So be it.

When it comes to your Reboot, don't let this happen to you.  Don't let it happen to you!  People cannot insert themselves into your Reboot.  It is your decision, not theirs.  If you are being reasonable and not demanding special attention or consideration and no one else has to suffer, then everyone should just leave you alone.  This is for YOU.  You deserve good health, don't you?  Why should someone whose entire understanding of nutrition comes from remembering a commercial that said, "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day" tell you how to live?  You know your body.  Sure, constructive criticism and advice are fine, but we both know what I mean.  Yes, your spouse has a say.  What they should say, in the end, is, "I love you and will support you as best as I am able.  I want you to be happy and healthy."   If you go off the deep end, they certainly have the right to say, "If you look at your ideal weight in medical charts, you are a bit under that.  Perhaps we can talk about it?"  But when everyone is constantly on you about this and that... ugh!  Don't people have lives?  Don't you have anything better to do than try to drag me down or talk about this private thing I am doing?  Damn people, the freaking world is falling apart before our very eyes, certainly something of greater substance can be discussed!

You have the right to some things for yourself.  If I had my way, my wife would be doing this with me.  She isn't.  I think she'd like to but she can't.  She's not mentally ready.  Maybe in the Fall.  But she is being more supportive this time (that is another story).    I am appreciative of that.  I am not going to allow anyone to derail this Reboot except me.  I am the only one who gets grace when and if things go wrong.  YOU have the right to fall down once in a while.  You have the right to get up, dust yourself off, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "It's alright.  Sometimes you fall when you are moving forward."

I may need to show kindness to my family when they intrude on my time.  They don't look at it as intruding.  I understand that.  I try to give compassion in those circumstances.  But when it comes to my Reboot, I will give them compassion from speaking from selfishness or misguided caring or misunderstanding or even jealousy, but I will also show compassion to myself and not allow anyone to take me off this path.

My pal Diana and I are both going to give great compassion to ourselves and stay on this Reboot until we are finished, regardless of when that might be.  But, it will be when WE are finished.  In the meantime we will love those around us and ourselves, knowing that in the end we will all be better for this.

Crap, is that the doorbell?

I am 35% through the 60 days.

Weight: 150.8 lbs.

Food: Fruit/Veg Smoothie With Hemp Seed

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